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Secured Card – Back That Thang Up
Can’t get a credit card? Better apply for a secured card. The way a secured card works is that you have to put money into a checking account beforehand, can’t touch it. Then, if you can’t pay your bill: whoop! The credit company yanks the cash out of the account. A secured card is the equivalent of making a bet with someone, say over how many times you can spin around in a chair in thirty seconds. If you bet thirty dollars, but your bookie knows you have never had thirty dollars, you can reach into your pocket and show him the thirty dollars. The bookie will make the bet with you and then take your thirty dollars when you lose. This is how a secured card works, and there is no other analogy suitable, so don’t try to think of one. A secured card lets the credit company know that you will be able to pay your bill and especially useful, in their view, for people who can’t for the life of them manage to limit their spending to things they can afford. This way, they can still get the interest and cash from people without the risk of losing any money. It is a moral obligation to separate a stupid person from his money, and credit companies understand this.
More Information on the Secured Card
Every company has their own
The secured MasterCard is a bit more dubious, but pleasant enough. It is a moody card, and its magnetic stripe sometimes peels off and clings to your skin. This can cause cancer due to the toxic levels of radium in the metal compound. The tiny bits of magnetic iron can bore into your flesh and infect the tissue, causing inflammation and nearly instant amputation. Overuse of this kind of
More Information, Continued
Another thing about irony is that it’s seriously like going around misusing a word completely and inexplicably wrong, and yet people do it anyway. Like saying, “Hey I stepped on a mouse and then it turned out the mouse pooped all over my shoe. Isn’t that perpendicular?” Or, “I needed a bowl for my cereal, but all the bowls were dirty so I had to use a plate. But then it turned out I didn’t have any cereal left anyway. Isn’t that purple?” It is our sincere hope that with time we can correct these sins, and we believe it starts with us, at home, and with the secured credit card. Let’s get started today on a better tomorrow.
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